My Unorthodox Thankful List

I had grand plans of making a Martha Stewart thankful list, sure to give you the warm fuzzies deep down.  And then today happened.

I overslept.  Screech was too tired to wait for me to take him potty when he woke up.  T-Rex is hacking up a lung every five seconds.  Everyone on the tram is staring at this horrible mama who lets her child cough like that.  Screech’s daycare teacher called me early to come pick him up for reasons I couldn’t understand.  I freaked out.  T-Rex was silent and sad when I picked him up.  I forgot to eat lunch.  I didn’t have time to buy chicken for dinner.  I had an appointment with the superintendent who hates me.  I was freezing.  I was mad.  I was tired.  I was anything but prim, proper, poised Martha.

So, down with traditional, “I’m-thankful-for-my-family” lists.  And up with the real stuff.

  • IKEA… for providing cheap particle board furniture made under questionable labor conditions that I can actually afford.
  • Skype… for providing an opportunity to teach geography, albeit also thoroughly confusing my sons who think Korea, Florida, Tennessee, and Hawaii are all a hop, skip, and jump away.
  • magicJack… for making it easy to get around pay-per-minute German customer service numbers by letting me call American ones for free.
  • Amazon + Kindle… for making it so easy for money to disappear from my bank account and for knowledge to appear in my brain.
  • Apple… for finding a defect with my 6 year-old ipod nano, asking for it back, and giving me a new one.
  • Rent with utilities included… for making it possible to bake bread in a 450°F oven several times a week or leave the radiators on all night to dry clothes and not worry about the bill.
  • German tax dollars… for dropping kindergeld in my bank account every month so that a mama feels like she’s actually not going in the hole raising two boys.
  • Doc Sci’s new boss’s assistant… for being a nice American, speaking English, and actually setting up everything he needs before he starts his new job.
  • The WordPress spam filter… for taking a serious hit after my Korea posts which kicked my spam comments up from three to three hundred.
  • Pinterest… for filling up any spare minutes I have lying around with inspiration and envy.
  • Rosetta Stone… for making me feel like I actually know some German even if I’m too nervous to speak it with anyone but my lonely PC microphone.
  • My German friends… who let me ask them all sorts of questions about taxes and health insurance that they don’t even know the answer to, and making me a scarf wearer/lover for life.
  • Artscow… for making it possible to score Christmas presents for under $10, shipped anywhere in the world.
  • Shutterfly… for always having free customizable photo cards and a very cheap service to stamp and mail said free cards so that I never have to darken the door of a Deutsche Post ever again.
  • The pediatrician… who again reminds me not to bother visiting him and wasting my time, rather to rely on my home remedies instead.
  • Hair clippers… so I can trim the Chia Pets at home.
  • You who send me boxes… I now have a lifetime supply of ziploc bags and taco seasoning so I can shake and bake to my heart’s content.
  • My boys… so I don’t have to be the only recipient in tickle fights instigated by my husband.
  • My husband… for riding a busted teenage boy’s bike and pulling T-Rex uphill both ways in the snow just so I don’t have to.

What’s on your I-would-never-say-that-at-a-family-dinner thankful list?


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